This is more of a complaining journal than I would like it to be. I'm sure most of you probably assume I'm a whiny bitch just because all I seem to do on here is complain, but today I am REALLY frustrated. The situation is a bit difficult to explain but I'll do my best, for a class I am taking with my husband to help us be better wellness coaches we each have to create a vision board. Mine with have things on it that his won't and vice versa, my problem is I have a serious problem deciding what I want. My brain is wired and trained to save money, and the purpose of this board is to put pictures of things you will have, that you will earn, that are your goals in life down so that you can see them everyday and they become more real, and more attainable for you. That's FANTASTIC is it not? It makes me all pumped and ready to go "hey lets do this, lets go out there and change lives!" I want to look at things, I want to have things beyond my wildest dreams (and anyone that has known me for a while should know that my actual dreams while I am sleeping get pretty wild.) So I get excited and I look for things, things that I want. I need to find things that strike me with emotion, excitement, I want to find things that are not only just cool to have, but stuff that stirs a feeling of "I HAVE to have THAT!" So I'm looking, and getting all hyped up, and I want to share with DJ so bad "Hey isn't this AMAZING?" and he doesn't care.
Bottom line, he just doesn't even want to look. Part of it is my fault, I get so hyper about it that I want to share right that minute... and his game is more important at the time because that's where his focus is. I can understand him being pre-occupied, and his game being more important for the moment, honestly that's fine with me I like him to be entertained, I get more cuddle time when he's relaxed and chill from playing a bit. The problem is that this happens EVERY single time. Not once in the past, not twice, but EVERY TIME I have tried to share. My brain doesn't translate to "oh he's busy, show him later" my brain for some stupid reason that I can't even comprehend automatically switches to "he just doesn't care about me right now..." I know that's horrible, and self pitying,and I know he doesn't mean it that way but I'm sorry it just fucking hurts. Every time he gets all hyped up about something I try my best to pay attention, sometimes I tell him that I'm not really in the moment and ask him to show me later, but I at least acknowledge that he is there, and that he wants to share something with me.
Well that's enough of my rant, I'm not ang